averagemedium | [Off-Comm Threads]

[He's just going to shift to wrap himself around Henry as well as he's able, making them into a close tangle of limbs.]

Bet we'd manage to undo them somehow, with our luck. Might be worth a shot, though?

[Sounds like he's mostly joking, but- okay. Maybe not entirely. And maybe not completely in the 'stop sleepwalking' context, either.]

[And he's pleased with that tangle, feeling more at ease than he'd been since he'd woken to see Ryan stitching himself up.]

Totally willing to try it. Hey, maybe you can tie yourself to me! It'll be harder for one of us to wander off without the other noticing, that way.

...Oh my god, Henry, we're going to fall off the bed and somebody's going to break their neck if we do that.

[He has his face pressed into the crook of Henry's neck as he starts just quietly laughing. There's more than just amusement to it, and once he's started he doesn't seem quite able to stop it again just yet; it's desperate, venting out lingering tension and emotion, his shoulders shaking as he tries to just breathe.]

[Sure, he laughs a lot himself, Henry's not gonna judge, but that. That was weirding him out just a little.

Not enough to keep him from joining in, if not quite as uncontrollably. It's still a few minutes before he can manage any kind of reply.]

I know- won't it be great?

Maybe.

[It's breathless, and he lets go with one arm to reach up, pull his glasses off, and rub at his face-- he'd started tearing up near the end there and he's still barely holding that off. Shutting the emotional floodgates once they've opened isn't easy for him, and after earlier... it all had kind of hit at once, thoughts running along from 'god, we're going to die that way' to 'I think I almost did'. And while the closeness had been and is a comfort to him, a much appreciated one, it's not quite a replacement for letting things out.]

--god. I'm sorry, Henry, I just-- [He sort of starts to choke up a little there, pausing to breathe deeply. Goddamnit. He's not going to get stupidly emotional all over him. Nope.] --everything. Just everything.

[Definitely weirding him out a little. And worrying him at the same time. It was an odd combination, made both sharper and somehow surreal by that mutual exhaustion. It had been too long since either of them had really slept. Of course nerves would fray.

A low, concerned sound escapes him, tilting his head to press his lips to the corner of one eye, moving a hand to touch and stroke at his hair. His voice is a soft echo of his usual humor.]

...everything's a lot, isn't it?

It's-- it's a whole fucking lot, I'm sorry, I swear I'm not usually--

[He has to stop there to try to choke it back again, without much success; he gives his head a shake, burying his face.

"I'm okay" is probably less convincing when it's sobbed into your shoulder, and his own shudder slightly with the effort of trying to stop.]

I'm sorry, it's dumb, I know, I'm not- [It just ends in a frustrated little noise.]

It's not dumb, Ryan.

[He doesn't think he needs to point out everything that had been going on, what had just happened- Henry just holds him tighter, still stroking his hair with a firm, if slightly-shaky hand.

He couldn't say that it would all be okay. There was no end in sight, everything was just getting worse, he'd almost killed Ryan- the one person who, until that point, he'd felt sane around. Almost normal.

No, it wasn't okay. And it wasn't dumb either.]

...y'don't have to talk about it, but you can, okay?

Dunno if there's anything to say.

[It's muffled and choked, his voice thick. He's given up on not crying and everything is just... sobbed out as best he can.]

You were there, you-- you know what-- you know we can't do anything. Stupid to get all worked up over it. S'not gonna change anything, I just-- I want it to be over, I don't want to deal with it, I want to it to go away.

It's not stupid-

[Henry pushes his head back, until he can get to Ryan's face, kissing and stroking at it. And then he's just crooning to him- soft, wordless noises, a bit animalistic. Same with the small licks, cleaning at his tears.

It hurt to see him hurting. And he couldn't lie to him, couldn't fix it when the attack came from their own heads, could only hold and nuzzle and hope it stopped.]

We're both alive, okay? We made it- we'll keep making it.

[It's comforting, in a bit of a strange way. Not what he's used to at all, but the intent behind it is enough, and he at least manages to calm himself enough to breathe more, voice still thick.]

I know. I know, it just... I didn't mean to get all weepy on you, fuck.

[His fingers burrow into the fabric of Henry's shirt, clinging tight.]

I should be way more used to not being able to do anything but it just never quits being awful.

Get as weepy as you want. Figure you're kinda entitled to that by now.

[It tries to be light, but doesn't entirely manage, licks turning into smaller kisses, slow and as gentle as he can make them.

He can't even tell him not to worry, that there was no point to it. Why be bothered by things you can't change? He still didn't understand. Especially why it was affecting him too.]

--and I know it doesn't count for much, but you're helping me a lot. That was the first time I'd really lost it with you around, and you got me to pull out of it.

Barely. If I'd slipped, or if I'd waited longer to make you stop--

[And he almost had waited. He gives his head a small shake, just barely, not wanting to discourage the attention.]

It's not going to be okay, is it.

Maybe not.

[He couldn't disagree, didn't want to think about how close it really had gotten. Finding his lips, he pressed a longer kiss to them, putting as much reassurance as he could manage into it, for all that he didn't feel much of it himself.]

You can get used to a lot, if you need to. It only seems bad because we're not used to it yet. We'll get there.

[The kiss is more than welcome, and he's reluctant to let it go-- it's comforting, it means not having to talk about this, not needing to think about it. He rests his forehead against Henry's, staying close.]

And if we can't get used to it? It's... a lot more of an adjustment.

We'll sort of have to.

[He didn't much want to think about it either, shaking his head a little against his forehead.]

Better to not worry about it.

What'd I tell you about asking me not to worry.

[There's no real amusement in that tiny smile.]

...I just want to forget about it, okay?

...try to sleep. It's not forgetting, but it's not thinking about it either.

[Is about as much of a solution as he can offer, kissing him again.]

I'll try to sleep if you try not to wander off tonight.

[He doesn't bother to undress before pulling the blankets up, wrapping them around. That means moving... and could mean embarrassment if he ends up sleepwalking unclothed.]

Promise you'll be here in the morning?

Promise.

[Not that he had any business promising that, not that either of them did, really. But he didn't want to point that out, bring up the fact that the amount of control they had over anything was... limited. Unreliable.

They both already knew it anyway.]

...Same with you. No sleeping alone.

Deal, then. ...I'll be impressed if either of us manages to even make it out of the bed, honestly.

[This time there's a hint of a laugh in his tone, and he shifts closer, trying to get himself tangled up even more in blankets, sheets, and limbs.

It's not going to keep him in the bed when he does end up sleepwalking later, but he can try.]

I'm not leaving if I can help it.

And with both of us trying, there's no chance of it, right?

[At least they can both feel guilty about it later, waking up in entirely different places. For now, he's going to be as tangled and close as possible, half-knowing it's not going to work, but wanting to stave off the eventual separation as long as possible.]

I'd like to see us try.

[It's murmured against him as Ryan curls close with a heavy sigh, shifting one more time before he finally settles in.]

...see you in the morning, then?

...see you.

[And the contact was, ultimately, a little soothing. Even if it would take him longer than usual to fall asleep, he'd get there eventually.]

[Off-Comm Threads]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject