averagemedium | [Off-Comm Threads]

I wanted to kill you, Ryan.

[That felt like just about the complete opposite of 'dealing with it.'

But he eventually shifts to curl closer to him, even if he doesn't actually relax.]

...oh.

[That's all he can manage at first, reflexively clinging tight when Henry shifts closer to him.]

--alright, so being okay might take some effort. I didn't let you though, right? ...Didn't especially like doing that, but.

Thanks for not letting me.

[Muffled, his face buried against Ryan's neck, his fingers dug into his shirt in response to the clinging.]

I was angry before, but I'd be really mad if you just decided to go with it.

Promise you I wouldn't just go with you killing me.

[He strokes Henry's hair with his uninjured hand, hoping it's at least a little bit of a soothing gesture.]

But it wouldn't be your fault if you did.

[Henry's calming by degrees, at least, and the hair touch definitely helps. He still wants to disagree, that of course it would still be his fault, that didn't matter-

But he bites it back, just shaking his head.]

Do you ever get angry?

--yeah. If I hadn't been a little bit terrified there I'd probably have been pissy about it.

[He's just burying his face in Henry's hair, shifting to wrap his arms a bit tighter around him. Quite possibly too tight.]

That wasn't your fault, though, all of this is-- it just happens. That wasn't you. You wouldn't want to kill me, you'd listen if I told you I was uncomfortable, you'd stop.

I know, but...

[He could be suffocating and it wouldn't be too tight. Henry links his own arms around him, clinging back with an unnecessary degree of force.]

...are you still afraid of me?

I-

[He trails off there, hesitantly, before he huffs out a sigh with a shake of his head.]

...not of you. Of the possibility of that happening again.

[A better answer than he'd expected, to be honest, and he breathes out slowly. It's a while before he otherwise replies.]

Me too.

...no sewing for a while, okay?

Trust me, I don't want to touch a needle for a while.

[Ryan's quiet for a few moments, continuing to comb his fingers through his hair while he thinks-- but eventually he just gives his head another small shake, voice quiet.]

--I don't know what to do about this. If it happened while I was asleep, or-- or if it happened to me while you were asleep...

Or if anything happened ever, you mean.

[It wasn't really a comforting thought, and Henry wasn't used to worrying this much about anything. But then, he usually didn't try to kill people he actually cared about.

Henry shuffles over into his lap instead, a bit disoriented by how much had changed in a short period of time.]

At least we always come back, huh?

...there's that, yeah. It's not going to make it any better at the time, but-- it's something.

[He's helping tug him over into his lap as soon as he sees what Henry's aiming for. He, at least, is very used to worrying about things this much, but if even Henry is admitting that he's not okay with the situation-- that makes it feel more serious.]

We have options, I just... don't really want to consider them. Most of them involve staying separate places.

No.

[He's tensing immediately at the thought, finally leaning back to look at him, if reluctantly.]

...please? I really don't want to be alone.

[It is so foreign to him to be on the other side of this. Ryan's always been the one asking people not to go, who spent so much time trying to talk more independent partners into not leaving him alone.

The feeling's not gone-- he very much wants the company, doesn't want to be alone himself any more than he wants to leave Henry to it, but- nobody's ever told him that before.

He leans in to press a small kiss to Henry's forehead.]

You're not going to be, 'kay? I'm not leaving. If this is affecting all of us it could happen anywhere, anybody could end up threatening me.

[He doesn't even try to hide the look of relief, and he smiles a little at the kiss, reaching up to touch the side of his face.]

Thanks. I'm not leaving you either! And if I see anyone even look at you, I'll kill them.

[Not even suspiciously, just 'looks at'.]

Let's not take it that far, yeah? They're allowed to look but not maim. First sign of intent to hurt and they're all yours, though.

[This time it's... mostly serious, actually. He's all for not killing fellow travelers, but when they're potentially an enemy? Some self-defense is necessary. The last week or so has made it so much easier to go along with that line of thought.]

And I can interpret what counts as a sign, yeah?

[The best defense was a good preemptive slaughter, as far as he was concerned. It was also the most fun option, which was always a nice bonus.]

Some of those signs are pretty subtle too, so you should definitely leave them to me.

Maaaaybe we should just both get some input on this, okay? You let me know if you think someone looks dangerous and I'll see what I think. Same thing the other way around.

[Otherwise they're just going to end up not able to leave the apartment without death involved, he's pretty sure.]

Rather not get any of the wrong people.

Pff, the odds of hitting a wrong person are almost nothing!

[A trip outside without death is hardly a trip at all.]

I mean, what if they look at you funny? Or cross the street to talk to you- that's totally a danger sign. Or if they wave to you- that's definitely someone trying to get your guard down. Or already preparing an attack!

...think we're better off just staying in here for now.

[Or at least having this talk later. He's trying to figure out what he can even say to that, and coming up blank- so instead he nudges at him.]

C'mon. I'd better wash my shirts before the blood's sat there too long.

I guess that's an option too.

[Though Henry doesn't really mind. As long as he had company, he was content.

So he edges off of him without protesting, getting to his feet.]

--Thought for sure I'd be the first one bleeding in here.

...yeah, well. Can't say that much about us has ever gone exactly as expected, has it?

[He manages a small smile at that, though the thought of needing to clean up is just dragging his thoughts right back to what happened. He should wash the blood off his arm, too, but he can't really bring himself to think about touching it without feeling anxiously sick.

Ryan scoops the half-repaired shirt off the ground, focusing on that first. Just got to get it clean, then he can think about the rest.]

Not really, huh? But that's a good thing though, right?

[He follows after him, as much for distraction as anything, though he doesn't make any offer to help. Especially not with his arm; Henry barely trusts himself to look at it, much less deal with his blood. It was still too appealing.]

Good's all relative. It's... what it is, you know? Whether it's better depends on exactly what you were expecting and how that matches up with what actually happened, and that kinda varies.

[He shrugs one shoulder, heading off to the kitchen sink. It's just closest, he'll scrub it out when he's done.]

If things end up well I don't think that what we expected out of them really matters.

Sooo... what are you expecting? Apart from blood and the occasional murder, I guess.

--not that I'm sure myself, really! I'm not so great at planning ahead.

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